why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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