I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
