even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
