Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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