Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
