I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
