dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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