I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize