I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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