i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
