Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
