I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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