theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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