well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was CRYING into my vagina
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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