I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
