were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
