I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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