he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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