well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
