Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
