You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
