like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish you could order shots online.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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