Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
