I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
