I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
