So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
