you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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