i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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