So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
