i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My first STD was from a foam party
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
