that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
