He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
