Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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