ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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