Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
