I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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