I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize