I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
