my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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