I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
