I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love you. Go after that dick
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So here I am, sexting at work.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
