like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
