Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
