Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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