dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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