What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
