Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
