So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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