I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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