Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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