Having a random hookup so left but love u
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
send nudes
from the living room?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
