I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
