I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i believe in u and ur pee
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And then he peed in my hair
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