FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
