Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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