porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
