she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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