Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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