oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
