she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
