I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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