people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
