Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
