Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
