so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
