I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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