i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
