I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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