Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want nice things and good sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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