she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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