ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
