guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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