Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
