He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
