He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
