The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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