So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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