this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
