I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
