STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
