I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
