mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
