I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
